Feelings...

This had happened to quite a number of times already, the feeling of crying when there something bad thing going to happen to me. Ok.. I know it's weird to crying before something actually happened, and it evenually happen after a few days of feeling emotional. So here how it's started...
On my best friend birthday two years ago not exactly on her birthday but somewhere during late July 2009. Few days before thinking of how to celebrate her birthday with her, I start to have feelings like sad, unhappy etc... but I was still excited planning the celebration. So on the day itself, I went home early first as I have already finish my school, as for my best friend she had her D&T, so we then decided to celebrate after her lesson. Walking home happily I started to invite some friends over too. I called one of my close friend as my best friend also knew her. So I got home and change into my home clothes and start heading to the bakery store, on my way there I called my best friend and told her I am inviting one of our close girl friend. Suddenly she starts getting upset and told me if this close friend is going, this celebration mind as well cancel... and then slowly we started quarreling and she said to me just forget about it and just cancel everything and then we hand up... that day was awful and I can never imagine that my best friend cancel on me!!

On my way back home I was feeling really down but I hid it from my family and just act as if nothing happen but I was so upset, I wanted to cry out lond and tell someone. I wanted to tell to my sister but my mouth just can't said a word. The feeling was so terrible I called my best friend, ex boyfriend and told him everything. And I started crying over the on the phone, I cried like a waterfall run down quickly.

And that's how I realise that if I ever had a feeling like that again it means I must be prepare before it happen... I want to avoid this feeling as much as possible but I guess this feeling will just kept on coming... I just wish that this feeling will vanish immediately but I am quite thankful with this emotion sometimes, I mean it somehow gave a preparation before something happen to me but when the event had happen I will not be as thankful as I think I would be... ahaha

Signing out bye!

How I feel now...

Now I felt that I am acutally misses those people I mean we have good times together and bad times together, I just wish that all of us can get back together like we use to. But that seem to be so far away... Humans are just selffish creatures they don't really care about your feelings but just do whatever they like. That is why I hate being a human, cause other humans will think that I am not caring for them... even till now people still think I am... I guess when I listen I do not look like I am it might be my face written all there, Oh I am not interested in your stories but somehow some these people are wrong, sometimes I am tired early in the morning I can't really concentrate listening to people as well as when going out after a long period of time I will be tired and somehow I just neglect them alittle but I am tired what do you think I want to do?? And sometimes I do not even had any ears to listen I want to say. Only my sister or my best friend actually did listen. I had very less friends actually had a good ear to listen to my story, maybe it just too boring for them to listen. Yeah I admit I quite a boring person who only loves anime and manga other than that I really don't have other things to beside all that stuff because it been my hobby since a long time ago, and I even wanted to listen voice acting that been my another wish in my life only my family members actually knew, beside my family noboby knew about this. That is why my family is the most important thing in my life =D

Ps Friends can just come and go but family there only just one (v*O*v)

Exam/Friends??

Exam is coming but I still can't get anything in my head... I've been thinking alot these days there are friends that I hope to be with them forever but there are friends I just wanna heckcare them, the friends that I said I just wanna heckcare them? I really liked them alot but there's been too many things that happen that I doubt they would even know. Every night when I think about them I feel like killing myself I am a very low self-esteem person. Not only them that I feel like killing myself there are other things that are in my head. It been almost every sleepless night I've been thinking of ways to kill myself how to torture myself... but I could'nt do it I really don't mind dying !! Every morning when I see a car come I will think that if the car charge me at full speed I will feel good dying like this, it really been in my thoughts for a very long time I just can't do something about it. I am not very sociable with people, most people think I am sociable but the truth is I am not. The true friends that I had is only about 2 or 3 maybe?? But of course I love my family very much they are the ones' who gave me strength. My best friend also did a very big part of my life I love her alot she the only friend that I can really trust and do not go around and really bad mouth about me, even though she is a person who is a very happy go lucky type, simple minded, childish, very hyper type of person who chases people around but that is just the person who she is not like my other friends two face freak people, they only care for themselves talk about themselves how lucky they are with guys how happy about their gf, they don't really even care about listening about your life. You want to tell them ?? You can just forget all about it and go home tell your siblings about your stoies than telling them, even though my best friend did that too but she is just better than they are! Telling them is like talking to a wall I might not always listen to their stories but I do for my families, my sister, my brother, my cousins and some other friends that really need a ear to listen to. The friends THAT THINKS I AM NOT FRIENDLY!! GUESS WHAT SO ARE YOU SO DON'T JUST PIN POINT AT OTHERS, CAUSE YOU ARE NOT THE FRIENDLY TYPE NITHER YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE. OMG it really been months I wanted to vent that out!! I really wanted to tell them how I felt about them BUT THEY MIGHT JUST GET MAD AT ME AND THEN OH!! THERE A CAT FIGHT YEAH!! Because I knew they will not be happy if i told them since I have tried to tell one of them she doesn't seem to be happy I DOUBT THAT WILL NOT TELL OTHERS. Maybe you might think I am just very anit-social do not dare to tell them but  guess what you think by telling them it's the best way??? Come on I doubt that if I told them they would even talk to me again haha...

OOPS I guess most the things I type up there are very messy sorry XD
Ps if those people that seen this blog and you know I am talking about don't mind and just leave a F****** msg =D