Exam/Friends??

Exam is coming but I still can't get anything in my head... I've been thinking alot these days there are friends that I hope to be with them forever but there are friends I just wanna heckcare them, the friends that I said I just wanna heckcare them? I really liked them alot but there's been too many things that happen that I doubt they would even know. Every night when I think about them I feel like killing myself I am a very low self-esteem person. Not only them that I feel like killing myself there are other things that are in my head. It been almost every sleepless night I've been thinking of ways to kill myself how to torture myself... but I could'nt do it I really don't mind dying !! Every morning when I see a car come I will think that if the car charge me at full speed I will feel good dying like this, it really been in my thoughts for a very long time I just can't do something about it. I am not very sociable with people, most people think I am sociable but the truth is I am not. The true friends that I had is only about 2 or 3 maybe?? But of course I love my family very much they are the ones' who gave me strength. My best friend also did a very big part of my life I love her alot she the only friend that I can really trust and do not go around and really bad mouth about me, even though she is a person who is a very happy go lucky type, simple minded, childish, very hyper type of person who chases people around but that is just the person who she is not like my other friends two face freak people, they only care for themselves talk about themselves how lucky they are with guys how happy about their gf, they don't really even care about listening about your life. You want to tell them ?? You can just forget all about it and go home tell your siblings about your stoies than telling them, even though my best friend did that too but she is just better than they are! Telling them is like talking to a wall I might not always listen to their stories but I do for my families, my sister, my brother, my cousins and some other friends that really need a ear to listen to. The friends THAT THINKS I AM NOT FRIENDLY!! GUESS WHAT SO ARE YOU SO DON'T JUST PIN POINT AT OTHERS, CAUSE YOU ARE NOT THE FRIENDLY TYPE NITHER YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE. OMG it really been months I wanted to vent that out!! I really wanted to tell them how I felt about them BUT THEY MIGHT JUST GET MAD AT ME AND THEN OH!! THERE A CAT FIGHT YEAH!! Because I knew they will not be happy if i told them since I have tried to tell one of them she doesn't seem to be happy I DOUBT THAT WILL NOT TELL OTHERS. Maybe you might think I am just very anit-social do not dare to tell them but  guess what you think by telling them it's the best way??? Come on I doubt that if I told them they would even talk to me again haha...

OOPS I guess most the things I type up there are very messy sorry XD
Ps if those people that seen this blog and you know I am talking about don't mind and just leave a F****** msg =D